Paul Bonney - Observations in the wild
"That's piss funny that......"
I have been studying the subject since his release back into the wild on the 21st
Jan 2011 and have so far gathered the following data. I am yet to draw any precice
conclusions but hopefully the following information should give some insight into
the man/monkey/chimp/ape that is Paul Bonney.
Background
Born : Salford zoo
Favourite Food : Bananas
Language Skills : Rudementary
Special Talent : Hitting and kicking things
Statistics
Height : 3'2"
Weight 4 Stone (1 of which is hair)
Facts About Paul Bonney
- He thinks all films are true stories
- He likes to wear black socks in bed
- He can’t eat butter, but cheese, cream and other dairy are fine as well as croissants
and other butter containing foods
- He only has a beard to get served alcohol
-
He is the 3rd fittest man in the world, after Tom Cruse and Sting
- His hair is
receding but he brushes it forward so no one will notice
- He is not 100% human,
and in fact mostly just a strategically shaved monkey
- His hat once had to be
surgically removed due to trench hat
- His snoring is so loud that he is technically
illegal in Switzerland due to noise limitations
- He has tourettes, but you only
notice it in outbursts while he is asleep, the rest of the time it goes unnoticed
due to his accent and heritage.
- Give him a box or a bag and he will poo
Sayings & Quotations
Piss funny, belter, you twat, dickhead, ya gay, nob ed, u slag, bunch of c**ts, prick, me leg 'urts
Bonney > English Dictionary
- Av = Have
- Ya = You
- Avin = Having
- Fone = Phone
- Aint = Have not
- Yas = All of you
- 2Moz = Tomorrow
- Nob ed = A man with a penis on his head
- Bender/Queer/Twat = A close friend